Three years later I managed to half burn the kitchen down, so now there was a big black patch over where the tiling wasn't.
Today, finally, I got a tiler in. Specifically, this one in Liberton. And I was recommended them via Facebook, they organised everything over Facebook Chat, and then they arrived this morning at 8:30am, and were out by the time I got back, having transformed this:
Sadly, I had to make the bolognese myself, but I am _really_ happy with the way it all looks.
Now I just have to not burn it down again for a bit.
Original post on Dreamwidth - there are comments there.