Andrew Ducker (andrewducker) wrote,
Andrew Ducker

My awesome friends have helped me plan out the remainder of my life

On Friday I went to see a divorce lawyer, and posted about it on Facebook, saying Well, I can tick "Talk to a divorce lawyer" off of my bucket list.

I got a bunch of sympathy from people, and that was lovely.

I also had swampers say "I can come up with a better bucket list. Item 1: Talk to a bucket."
And this was followed by 30-odd hours of intermittent updates from my lovely friends, as they proceeded to come up with a 100-item list of items that you can do with, from, or near a bucket - and every time one came in it made me grin.

1Talk to a bucket.
2Stick head in bucket
3Sit on bucket and pretend to be Oor Willie for an afternoon.
4Buy a bigger bucket for your bucket to be carried in.
5Introduce a Walrus to your bucket
6Name your bucket Hyacinth
7Take your bucket on a world tour of sights it should see before.. wait a minute
8Take your bucket to the seaside. Don't forget to bring a bucket and spade!
9Recreate famous moments of Hawaii-5-0, "Book'et, Danno."
10Paint a red and white circular design on your bucket, pretend it's a Pokeball and throw it at passing wildlife.
11Find a popular internet trend, buck it!
12Fill your bucket with flowers. Call it a bouquet
13Fill bucket with iced water and tip it over your head, creating online viral charity phenomenon
14Persuade a diminutive brown alien to ride on a startled horse.
15Take a holiday, I suggest a period of quiet and reflection where you can review life goals and plan for the future. Ideally you'll visit a small island just off Massachusets. You could write a Nantucket list.
16Sell your bucket for a dollar
17Fix the hole in your bucket. Do NOT sing about it.
18Fix the hole in your bucket. Sing about it!
19Paint your bucket black. Sing about it
20Remove all paint from your bucket, sing about how you would prefer it if it was black.
21Play BSG with your bucket. Accuse it of being a Cylon because it's being too quiet.
22Play BSG with your bucket and Alex. Accuse the bucket of being a Cylon because it's being too quiet. Lose, because Alex is playing.
23Wear your bucket on your head to a re-enactment event, insist that it is "historically accurate".
24Buy a second bucket, turn them both upside down and tie them to your feet so you can use them as stilts.
25Write a 2.6 million word ode to your receptacle. Call it the Bucket Report.
26Put your (black-painted) bucket on your head, breathe heavily and tell unsuspecting people that you are their father.
27Put your bucket on your head and tell passers-by that "None shall pass."
28take bucket to popular resort island in Thailand. It is now a Phuket Bucket.
29Put bucket on head, claim to be a Teutonic Knight
30Stand in bucket. Do baby Groot dance, just because.. baby Groot dance.
31Get two buckets. Play da bongos, just like da King of Bongo Bong.
32Fill bucket with toy dinosaurs and change your name to Harry.
33Fill you bucket with kittens. This isn't a reference to anything, I just like kittens. (To which Hal responded, I now want a T-shirt that says "When life gives you buckets, fill 'em with kittens.")
34Fill your bucket with sand. Carry it around until you see a fire. Throw it on the fire. Become Big Damn Hero (tm). Also, very strong. (NB. Do not attempt this when your bucket is full of kittens)
35Place the bucket in stable orbit around the sun. Yell at people in pubs until they agree with you that the bucket is there
36Land your bucket on a comet
37Sacrifice a bucket to the deity of your choice
38Get a very large bucket, a large bucket, a medium bucket, a small bucket and a very small bucket. Put them inside each other. Gift them to your Russian grandmother.
39Eat the bucket and gain its powers (Again, not with the kittens)
40Fill the bucket with a KFC bucket of chicken. Eat chicken. Realise the fries have all gone cold
41Have a sitting MSP buy you a bucket of Red Bull and vodka. (I'm only putting this here so there's one I've actually done, says Tina)
42Challenge someone to sculpt a bucket out of ice.
43Make a giant cup of tea in the bucket. Drink it with one of those oversized custard cream biscuits you get in coffee chains these days.
44Visit Thermopylae. Come back with your bucket or in it.
45Flatten your bucket and play it on an old phonograph. Backwards for more amusement value
46Take your bucket to Princes Street on a sunny day. Hold it up in the air. Keep looking from your watch to the sky with a faintly disappointed look on your face
47Demonstrate centrifugal force by swinging bucket full of water in a big circle on the end of a rope. Probably best this isn't while you are on Princes Street. Or in the coffee shop (Or while it is full of kittens. Although apparently some kittens like that kind of thing.)
48In Edinburgh, during August, stand on the Royal Mile with your bucket on your head, attempting to yodel. Leave a sign proclaiming it is performance art, and a second bucket for donations
49Just go busking with your bucket on Buchanan St, complete with a sign saying "donations welcome" on it while you attempt to do a solo rendition of "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" (both Elton John's and Kiki Dee's parts). Put a few bottles of Irn Bru and a couple of macaroni pies in to encourage others.
50Take a holiday with your bucket but crash on a deserted island. Go native. Paint a face on the bucket and call him Wilson. Get rescued after going slightly loopy but probably get nominated for an Oscar.
51Wake up next to a bucket you don't recognise. And a pineapple.
52Use your bucket to milk a goat.
53Lose your bucket. Put up signs saying "Have you seen this bucket?"
54Get clear plastic bucket. Use as diving helmet. Explore underwater.
55Use bucket as ice cream bowl. Eat it all. Enter Guinness Book Of Records.
56Attach helium balloons to bucket. Attempt to travel around the bypass in 80 minutes.
57Put your bucket over your eyes, and have a group of friends provide directions to navigate you through a fantasy dungeon (LEFT! No, your other left!)
58Draw sequence of horses inside bucket. Cut slits in sides. Spin.
59Convert your bucket in to a chic and handy portable barbecue.
60Put your bucket in a body of water. Add some stones to it so it tilts to one side. Voilà: you've made your bucket list
61Teach your bucket to play the piano so well that it composes hundreds of piano pieces; promotes piano recitals; and becomes a teacher of even more great composers of the age. Voilà: you've made your bucket Liszt.
62Teach your bucket the scouse accent and make it wear dreadlocks. Voila, you've made your bucket Lister
63Achieve "telepathy", by attaching a long rope to the bottom of your bucket, and the bucket of a friend, and talking whilst both wearing the buckets on your heads.
64Attach castors to the rim of your bucket, turn it upside down, and paint on a face and a lolling tongue.Attach a lead to it, and take it for walks in the park.Allow strangers to pet it.
65Fill your bucket with crayons. Walk around, handing out crayons to anyone who looks sad.
66Throw bucket in air and shoot with minigun. Now sell as high end colander.
67Use said bucket with holes to make a shower for Glastonbury. And charge people for pouring water through it.
68Make a short film and edit the bucket in as an asteroid.
69Take your bucket to speaker's corner to complain you just can't get the soap boxes nowadays.
70Use the bucket to lower down a well and save the small boy Skippy pushed down
71Crash your bucket on a remote tropical island and spend six series refusing to confirm if the "survivors" are alive or dead. Bucket Lost.
72Introduce your bucket to a really sexy bucket to induce bucket lust...
73Convert your bucket in to an elephant trap by super gluing a sticky bun to the bottom of the bucket.
74Add teeth with an overbite and an unwieldy tongue to your bucket. Cut hole in bottom and use it as an odd sounding megaphone. Congratulations, you've made your bucket lisp.
75Use your bucket to make and repair shoes. Bucket Last.
76Give your bucket ears. Then make your bucket listen...
77Get your bucket extremely hot and use it to pop corn. Sell the "Bucket-kist" popcorn to passers by.
78Fill buckets with soil, add a few flowers and start your new career as a guerilla gardener in Edinburgh
79Fill your bucket with gorillas! Okay, maybe not
80Do the stick and bucket dance
81Use the bucket to hide from the gorillas after you tried to shove them in there.
82Use your bucket to do a impression of the pail rider
83Put bucket on head, hold plunger appropriately and recite many bad dalek puns.
84Take 3 buckets and one kitten, switch around and see if people can find the kitten.
85Give the bucket to Schindler - it's his list now.
86Put a saddle on your bucket and try to balance things on it until they all get kicked off.
87Use your bucket as inspiration for your new book - a hundred and one things to do with a dead bucket
88Nail your bucket to a perch. Try to convince someone it's still alive and sell it to them.
89Attach rubber shark fin to the bucket and let it out to float near some bathers. Scare the bejesus out of them by yelling "EVERYONE OUT OF THE WATER!".
90Wrap it in wrapping paper and give it as a Secret Santa gift. Even if it's not near Xmas.
91Put a scale on the inside of the bucket and use it as a rain gauge.
92Attach bucket to pulley washing line and use as a cat transport system.
93Mix a large amount of cake batter in your bucket. Put the cake batter in orange peel shells and bake in a campfire.
94Take several buckets, and use them to create palisades around an area, and a divider in the middle. Then, give two of your friends buckets and horses, and have them joust. Voila: a bucket list.
95Invent a new sport. It must use at least one bucket. Get a minor celebrity to play the sport.
96Get some ice in the bucket and chill some champagne in there. Now isn't that classy?
97Fill bucket with water and a fish. Freeze. Sit at someone's pond and pretend to be ice fishing.
98Sit on your bucket outside someone's house. If anyone asks what you're doing there, tell them you're waiting for the bucket line to form for the house fire. Look impatiently at the not-at-all-on-fire house.
99Write fire on the side and fill with sand, maybe a few seashells too.
100Kick the bucket. You have now finished your bucket list.

With additional, unnumbered, suggestons to both persuade someone else to kick my bucket, and to take this on the road as a fringe show.

(Some of these references are undoubtedly a bit culturally specific. Feel free to ask if you want to know.)

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