June 15th, 2010

Illuminati

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Made of Win

Withdrawal symptoms suck

It's funny how the sudden realisation of the cause of my misery is frequently enough to make me feel significantly happier about it.

Case in point - I cut right back on snack-food again on Saturday. I generally avoid carb-heavy food, especially highly processed carbs like white bread. I'll eat small amounts of things, but sometimes this creeps up. Particularly when I'm tired - this drops my self-control significantly, especially as instant energy food (like crisps) perks me up for about an hour before I crash again. I've been tired a lot recently, because Julie's been particularly stressed recently and my own stress levels have been combining with this to mean that I just haven't been sleeping very well. Which leads to the aforementioned crisp-eating, which leads to a cycle where my blood-sugar levels drop around 3:30pm, leaving me craving even more, and making the crisps even more attractive.

And so on :->

So, anyway, Julie's stress levels dropped a bit on Friday, and this combined with me discovering that I don't fit into the suit trousers I was going to wear to poisonduk and princealbert's wedding combined to make me decide that I was going to try and lose the weight I've recently put on. Well, that amongst other things. I'd reached the point where my weight felt physically uncomfortable - I hate it when I have a double chin that I can feel touch my throat if I look down. I hate jumping up and down and feeling bits of me continue to move when most of me has stopped. And I had, apparently, started behaving in a manner not unlike sleep apnea (long pauses in breathing followed by gagging sounds according to Julie). Anyway. Enough was enough, and the trousers/sleep apnea was enough to put me over the edge and start losing weight.

So, it was easier over the weekend - I knew I'd feel completely rubbish due to low blood sugar for the first couple of days, but doing so when I'm at home is a lot more bearable than when I'm at work. I can cope with the shivers and the hot/cold sweats because they only last twenty minutes, and there's nobody at home to see me grumbling to myself except for Julie. Putting up with that at work when I'm also dealing with support issues or giving feedback on code is tricky.

And that had almost entirely gone away by Monday - I got through the day without massive cravings, and Julie's stress lifted even further due to some good news on her PhD.

What I'd completely forgotten is that after 3-4 days I get a sudden headache, and feel absolutely rubbish. It feels like my skin is about two sizes two small for me, my neck aches slightly, my brain feels like it's been rubbed directly against a balloon while small children run their nails down a blackboard, and I feel like I need _something_ to make me feel better, I just have no idea what. This usually lasts about 16 hours, and then I feel better.

The odd thing being that I forget _every single time_ that this happens, until I've been feeling rubbish for about 6 hours and then suddenly recall that this is what happens _every single time_.

And then I feel much better. Because if this is _that_ then it'll be gone when I wake up tomorrow.

And then I can swear to myself that I won't be dumb enough to get into this state again.

Until the next time I'm short of sleep, and a single packet of crisps couldn't hurt that much, could it?