January 31st, 2006

Illuminati

Jokes

So, theferrett asked for punchlines to jokes, because he reckoned he could recognise most jokes from just the punchline.  Mine had him completely foxed - possibly because it's somewhat ethnic.  And having searched the web I couldn't find a decent telling of it, so I wrote my own, which ended up being about 5 times the length of the other ones I found, but far more pleasing to me:

Way back in the prehistory, God decides to take more of an interest in human affairs, and that he should start by taking a chosen people.

So he goes wandering on the earth, an soon afterwards encounters some of the Spartans.

"Hello," he says, "How would you like to be my chosen people?"

"And what," they reply, "would that entail?"

"Well.  I'd do special things for you, keep you free from harm, manna from heaven, that kind of thing.  And in return you'd have to follow my commandments."

"Commandments?  Like what?"

"Well, like 'Thou Shalt not Kill.'"

"Are you kidding?" came the response.  "We're the Spartans - war is what we live for."

So God travelled on, and shortly thereafter came to the Romans, where he asked the same question, and as you'd expect, was asked what they'd have to do for him.

"Just a few commandments.  Like, for instance, not coveting your neighbour's wife."

And the Roman's looked around at their respective wives.  And thought about the tubs of oil they kept at home for the parties.  And about how bored they all were of their own wives.

"We'll get back to you."

Which, God knew, wasn't exactly the attitude he wanted from a chosen people.

So he travelled on, eventually coming to the wandering tribes of the Jews.  And he found their leader, and asked "How would you like to be my Chosen people - but before you answer, I'd like to make it plain that there are some commandments.  And these commandments aren't negotiatable.  I really am looking for people who want them."

"Hmm.  These commandments - how much do they cost?"

"Cost?" said God, "They're free!"

"Free?  We'll take ten!"