February 26th, 2005

Illuminati

Yes, and I _pay_ for it

I subscribe to a mailing list called The Friday Thing, which basically allows a bunch of journalists being allowed to vent their spleen over the news stories of the week. Here's my favourite from this week:

The so-called consumers' organisation Which? this week changed its name to Who Knew? in time for its revelation that the use of popular children's cartoon characters on shit food is leading to obesity and bone-idleness in our heart-attack-waiting-to-happen little ones. Apparently, according to Really? You Don't Say!, the appearance of such perennially lovable characters as Winnie the Pooh, Postman Pat and the Simpsons on such piece-of-shit products as sugar-coated golden-starch cereal and fat-fat-fatty-fat fat-burgers is having a detrimental effect on our cabbage-brained bloater-babies. Miranda Watson of Could You Be Any More Fucking Obvious and Mundane? said: 'Parents feel they are being manipulated by the use of these cartoon characters on a wealth of unhealthy food products. The message we are getting is that they are finding it incredibly difficult and they need help.'

But fear not. For help is on its way. Help in the form of a publication of a list of 'the worst offenders' by Which?, which has then called upon these tunnel-visioned murdering fucknuts who plaster Shrek and Scooby and Bart and Rugrats all over these poisons and carcinogens to 'behave more responsibly'. Which is basically tantamount to slapping them with a fly-swat and saying, 'Now stop being evil. I won't tell you again.' So there it is. Sorted. And meanwhile childhood obesity continues to soar and swell. It is predicted that before 2050, 59% of all people will weigh more than four of their relatives put together. And then some.


You can subscribe here - it'll cost you £15 for the year, but frankly I already pay around 60p a day for a newspaper, so an extra 29p a week is well worth it to cleanse my palate afterwards.