January 29th, 2004

Illuminati

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TAKE-TWO ANNOUNCES "SHIFT OF FOCUS" FOR GTA LINE

In one of the more interesting announcements in the gaming world recently, Take-Two Interactive revealed that they plan to release a revised version of their hit title 'Grand Theft Auto: Vice City'. The goal is to deflect some of the media criticism of the title by shifting the game from its real-world basis and into a more socially acceptible milieu.

"We've gotten a great many complaints about the bad influence the game can potentially have on badly parented children," said Take-Two president Ryan Brant. "Children play Vice City, go out, and try to reenact the scenes they see in the game. While we continue to maintain that responsible parenting would curb most of these outbursts, we are going to do our part as a responsible corporate entity and shift the focus of the game. To pirates."

Banking on the recent success of such nautical-based movies as Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl and Master and Commander: Far Side of the World, Take 2 and developer Rockstar Studios are going to take the Vice City engine and script, and replace the graphics with an 1800's pirates theme.

"Parents seem to have a problem with the main character carjacking people," stated Sam Houser, president of Rockstar. "However, there was next to no outcry when Captain Jack Sparrow stole a British cruiser, nor when Captain Jack Aubrey boarded a French frigate, slaughtered its crew, and took it for 'the crown'. So, we're going to give the main character an eyepatch, peg-leg, and parrot, and he will now 'commandeer' cars. That's a nautical term, by the way."

In addition to the main character becoming a pirate, the policemen in the game will be replaced with French and British militia, and the much derided prostitutes will be replaced with busty wenches.

"Instead of picking up a ho, having her get you off, and then shooting her to get your money back," said Houser, "you'll chat up the wench, and buy a refreshing cup of grog. Then you can push her off the dock and get your money back."

Take-Two also announced that they had signed a deal with Academy Award Nominee Johnny Depp to provide voice-over talent for the revised version, taking over the lead character from fellow actor Ray Liotta. The revised title, "Pirates of Vice City", will be shown first at E3 2004, and is due for a Thanksgiving 2004 release.

Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc. is a leading worldwide publisher, developer and distributor of interactive entertainment software, hardware and accessories, a market that exceeded $10.3 billion in 2002 in the US alone.


From arkhamrefugee
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Illuminati

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LOTR dating tips
    * When you're trying to catch the cute guy's eye is the exact moment the dwarf will pick to approach you;

    * Eating raw fish is no longer a sign of a sophisticated date. (That said, you have to admit the Atkins plan is working for Gollum.)

    * if you're the only girl among 100 guys you'll still fall for the only one who has a girlfriend;

    * When overused, terms of endearment such as "precious" lose their meaning;

    * All couples fight, but battles shouldn't last so long that one of you has to get up and stretch your legs or use the bathroom;

    * It doesn't matter if you look like Liv Tyler; your pining and whining will still get on people's nerves;

    * Don't blame your friends just because they can see right through your creepy little partner;

    * If you can get along on a road trip, the relationship will probably last;

    * There will come a point when it seems like the relationship should be over. Don't drag it out. Just end it there.

And finally, the mother of all dating wisdom:

    * Some people will go to any lengths to get a ring; others, having had one for awhile, will go to any lengths to chuck it into a volcano.


From here, link nicked from... um... someone on my friends list.  Bugger.
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Having discovered earlier today that Mos Def is going to play Ford in the upcoming Hitchhikers film, I'm wondering if anyone can tell me what his acting ability is like?

I notice he was in Monster's Ball, but I can't remember who on earth he played in it.

Clue, anyone?
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