December 8th, 2003

Illuminati

Pre-work ramblings

I stayed over at Lilian's last night for the first time.

In some ways it was lovely (we watched Natural Born Killers - which she hadn't seen before, ate nice food, chatted about a wide variety of things and generally enjoyed each other's company), but when it came to time to go to bed, I suddenly felt rather uncomfortable. I've been used to coming over for the afternoon/evening and then heading home at midnight-ish, and suddenly I had this terrible feeling of wrongness that I was breaking my usual pattern, that I wasn't supposed to be here.

I tried to relax myself, and lay in bed with my heart beating just a little too obviously, feeling just a little too tense, because I'm darned if I'm going to let a little biological reaction get between me and staying over with new girlfriend.

In the end I slept ok, waking a few times during the night, but only for a moment or two. No nightmares, no real problems. But I'm certainly not cut out for any kind of unfaithfullness, I think my heart would explode. Probably a good thing...