December 5th, 2003

Illuminati

I will bend like a reed in the wind

Yes, me and Erin are no longer together.
Yes, there is someone else.
No, the someone else is not the cause of me and Erin no longer being together.
Yes, I will tell you who the someone else is. But not here and not now.
Yes, it is all a bit sudden.
Yes, we are still friends.
Yes, I know that she's posted about it on her journal,
No, you probably can't see it. Neither can I. It's her journal, let it go.
Yes, she is going to be moving out.
No, not tomorrow. When _she_ wants to.
Yes, I am deeply stressed and unhappy.
Yes, Erin is also deeply stressed and unhappy.
No, it wouldn't help to tell me bad things about her.
Yes, it would help to be nice and sympathetic. To either of us.
Yes, I probably will write about the whole situation at some point.

Any other questions?
Illuminati

(no subject)

The delightful Mil Millington talks about Alyson Hannigan:

It seems that people are increasingly finding themselves compelled to come up and tell me that Alyson Hannigan has now married. And then to give me a sympathetic hug.

Well, everyone, I am perfectly well aware that Alyson Hannigan has married someone or other. This, for the more naïve of you, is what's called 'Playing hard to get.' It is, in fact, such a transparent come-on that I'm almost embarrassed for her that she's throwing herself at me in this manner. I mean, flirting with someone else to pique my interest - fair enough. But to go so desperately far as to *get married*? Pft. She might as well take out a newspaper advert saying, "Mil, I want you with a cruel yet wonderful ache that binds and dizzies me. Come to me now and make me whole." Mightn't she? *Marrying* some bloke? It's beyond even any kind of 'the lady doth protest too much' thing and practically into the realms of guileless pleading for my affections. If I weren't so anxious about how her esurient pursuit of me was making her look in the eyes of the world, then a slight smile might swoop across my face as it does when she coquettishly feigns not knowing my name but then I
open an envelope one morning and 'Oh, but you amazingly appear to have remembered it to have this restraining order drawn up, eh, Alyson?'

So, please don't give me your misplaced condolences. Save your sympathy for the poor sap - I don't know who he is; probably some tramp hired for a few dollars - whom she's married merely as a way of attracting me.

Though it's clear that Alyson Hannigan and I are meant to be together, I am, currently, still going out with Margret, due to a technicality. Now, Margret is very attractive. Blond, admittedly, but very attractive despite that. One might imagine that this would give her a little insight into the imperatives of physical aesthetics but, apparently, it doesn't. Margret came up to my room here in the attic the other day and noticed a couple of new pictures of Alyson Hannigan on the wall - pictures of Alyson Hannigan walking around while lightly dressed.

'Is that Willow?' she asked.

I've been with Margret for around sixteen years now and so the natural affection I've built up prevented me from saying, 'No, it's not "Willow". "Willow" is a fictional character. *That* - in fact - is your successor.' Instead, I merely replied, gently, but firmly, 'Don't touch the glass - you'll leave smudges.'

Margret touched the glass repeatedly and then, very much in the manner of someone who wasn't about to say something utterly without sense or reason, shook her head before sighing, 'Why would she pose for photos like that?'

'*What*?'

'Why would she pose for photos like that?'

'Because... *look* at her. It's like asking why Turner painted or why Austen wrote. If *I* looked like that I'd spend my whole day in a mirrored bathroom with a camera. I'd owe it to myself and to the world.'

Margret's understanding of Art is sadly blinkered.
Illuminati

History Lesson

After the battle we survey the field.
We examine the lay of the land and look at where the corpses lie.
We see who has survived and who has not and we recreate the situation as it never happened.

Smooth graphics show curving lines as forces swept from point A to point B.
Confused, muddy situations become clear, clipped statements of fact. As time passes the events become smaller and simpler still.
Eventually we are left with a single statement to encapsulate the most complex of events.

"Wellington defeated Napoleon at the battle of Waterloo."

"Jack the Ripper killed several prostitutes in Victorian London."

"Erin and Andy broke up."



It finished when we got together - a doomed relationship between two people that just didn't fit, although we had a lot of fun trying.

It finished in Whitby, in Edinburgh, in London, in Derry, in huge swathes of stress that brought Erin to her knees and me to the edge of exhaustion.

It finished six months ago, when Erin dumped me. A desparate move to give her space to breathe.

It finished three months ago, when she explained that despite the fact that we still acted like a couple, we definitely weren't one.

It finished two months ago, when I told her I had become fond of Lilian and shortly thereafter we found ourselves a couple again. Two events at once connected and disconnected.

It finished ten days ago, when I dumped her.

It finished two days ago, when I told her that I was going to go out with Lilian.

It will never be over.
Illuminati

(no subject)

Reposted, as I was linking to a friends-only post (d'oh!)

Some interesting pictures of brains:



The brightly colored areas in these images mark the nucleus accumbens, the brain's reward center. Red indicates a high number of receptors for dopamine, a brain chemical that transmits sensations of pleasure; yellow and green indicate fewer receptors. People short on dopamine receptors have difficulty feeling joy. Many scientists have been surprised by recent studies revealing that the biochemistry of classic addictions, such as alcoholism and drug abuse, is strikingly similar to that of compulsive activities, including gambling and overeating.
- Popular Science

The pictures seem to indicate that people get higher levels of cravings to try and compensate for the lower levels of dopamine receptors.

Again - complex behaviour (what people do to satisfy their craving) caused by a simple basic cause (sensitivity to dopamine). Dopamine sensitivity is almost certainly going to be determined genetically, alcoholism almost certainly isn't.
Illuminati

(no subject)

Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding:
"Do you know how fast you were going?" the police officer asks, incredulously.
"No," replies Heisenberg, "but I know exactly where I am!"
Illuminati

(no subject)

I love these. Seen them before, but still:

WARNING: This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

WARNING: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

CAUTION: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85
million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "uncertainty principle," it is impossiblefor the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as "tunneling," this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including your neighbor's domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconveniences that may result.

READ BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to certain suggested versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.

THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result.

PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.

NOTE: The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a"gluing" force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.

ATTENTION: Despite any other listing of product contents found herein, the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this product consists of 99.9999999% empty space.

PLEASE NOTE: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.

COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.

HEALTH WARNING: Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.
Illuminati

Ahem

All people who got this result:

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It is not possible to get any other result from the test.

Which is pretty funny...