October 22nd, 2003

Illuminati

$%^ computers

First there was a problem getting email on the two domains I have hosted at hostmatters.com. This turned out to be the result of a DOS attack they were under. However, as I was attempting to discover this, Telewest for the entire of Edinburgh lost internet access. So I get up this morning, and the internet is working, but the domain server people have moved IP addresses around to combat the attack and now I can't get to my domain at all until the various DNS servers around the internet refresh themselves.
Illuminati

Aaagh!

Oh, fantastic, on the same day as all of this, the domain registration has expired and the lovely people didn't renew _or_ tell me in advance. Their sales support line opens in 1 hour, at which point there will be words.

Meanwhile, up next is something I wrote last night, when I didn't have internet access...
Illuminati

(no subject)

I'm really not that interesting.

No, really.

I'm quite introverted, spend most of my time either reading, watching TV or attached to the computer, don't drink more than very occasionally, don't enjoy large gatherings of people (unless they're people I feel comfortable around, which doesn't happen that often).

I do enjoy going walking (providing that the destination of the walk is considered less important than the walk itself), engaging in discussion (providing people aren't going to get too emotional about it), playing computer games (which I haven't had nearly enough time for recently and seem to have largely lost the inclination towards), writing (mostly LJ, fiction doesn't seem to be grabbing me at the moment), playing board games (when I can get the people together to do so) and various similar geeky activities.

I can be fairly amusing in conversation, although I have a regrettable lack of ability to know when to be serious. I can discuss fairly deep things in a fairly logical fashion, but mostly prefer to do so online, where I can see my thoughts laid out in front of me.

But generally speaking, when you get right down to it, I'm just some guy. Smarter than average, certainly, but nothing particularly earthmoving (well, unless we're talking about me in my computing capacity, in which case I'm a god on earth and you should all be bowing down at my feet).

I always feel like people have higher expectations than that. That because I throw out the occasional interesting nugget on LJ or a witticism or two in a conversation that I have to be both a muse and amusing all the time. In some ways I feel past this - somewhat jaded with it all and thus lacking in enthusiasm for many of the ideas that float about, both mine and others. When people raise the fact that money is 'fake' or are excited by the ideas presented in The Matrix or libertarianism or communism (or pretty much any other -ism) I just feel like pulling the covers over my head.

I've had the conversations so many times that I just can't raise any enthusiasm for them. I've questioned the very basis of reality, knowledge and belief…and then I got on with my life. I find myself much more interested in investigations into the complexity of sociology or economics, and how they can be used to change the world. I no longer want to tear down the world and recreate it according to some ideal - I want to take what we've got and see how it can be leveraged for the greater happiness of actual people.

Quentin Tarantino was rabbiting on about his 'big dick' theory of filmmaking, which says that ability is related to sex drive - when you've got that fire in your belly then you do your best work. At some age the drive goes and the directors think "Now I'm not distracted all the time I can really get some good stuff done." And then they make what he called "limp dick" movies.

While I don't want to agree with his general tone or choice of language, there definitely seems to be a transition as people go through life fiery rebellion and idealism to a more complex, compromised view of life. This can then cause youths to view adults as 'boring' or 'dull' because they refuse to take simple, uncompromising stands on what they see as complex issues. I feel like I stepped over at some point in the last few years and now find myself unwilling to take a stand on the vast majority of arguments - after all, if the answer was that simple and obvious, there wouldn't be the vast disagreement. About the only point I'm willing to make a stand on is that existence is vastly complex and there are no simple answers to any of the simple-sounding questions.

Obviously, this isn't a fun or exciting place to be - you won't see James Bond, Luke Skywalker or Neo standing up for doubt and uncertainty. So I find myself feeling slightly sidelined - when everyone else wants to charge out and change the world through demonstration and fighting the bad guys, I want to find out why these people act the way they do and see things from their point of view to see if we can change that instead. It's just not the kind of thing that people write interesting songs about. That's a shame.
Illuminati

The song of the obsolete robot

It's a funny little feeling when your brain has turned to rust
When your diodes are all failing
And your motors are all bust
When the trickle charge of neurons starts to fade in fits and starts
And the only use that's left for you is someone else's parts.

For it's off to the scrap heap we go (we go)
For our warranty's up and so (and so)
With a little wry grin and obeisant bow
And our inbuilt instructions that tell us all how
We march from your doors and into the streets
And follow our maps 'till we hit the scrap heaps


Because nobody likes obsolescence
That old artificial senescence
We're not built to last for more than a year
And when that times up you won't shed a tear
(We know that by then you'll want brand new gear)

For it's off to the scrap heap we go (we go)
For our warranty's up and so (and so)
With a little wry grin and obeisant bow
And our inbuilt instructions that tell us all how
We march from your doors and into the streets
And follow our maps 'till we hit the scrap heaps


My cheer is almost unique
Most crumble, their outlook too bleak
I scavenge their parts
And keep myself smart
So someday I'll be an antique

For it's off to the scrap heap we go (we go)
For our warranty's up and so (and so)
With a little wry grin and obeisant bow
And our inbuilt instructions that tell us all how
We march from your doors and into the streets
And follow our maps 'till we hit the scrap heaps
Illuminati

Internet update

The domain ducker.org.uk is down because the useless bastards lost my contact information and didn't renew the domain in time. I have now paid them, they've initiated the retagging process and it should be back up and running in the next 24 hours. Until then, all email in my direction will bounce, horribly.

If you have any thing you need to get to me then send it to andrew@notzen.com, my backup email address.