June 29th, 2003



Written on the way to Ascenscion, and then slowly keyed into my mobile, because I didn't have a pen to hand...

We place our lives in the hands of others and slowly it drips away.
We place our lives in the hands of others and I don't care what you say.
We twist and we turn on the bait and the hook
And we hope that they're playing by the same rulebook.
We place our lives in the hands of strangers and ain't none of them here to stay.


Erin left at 10-ish for the Tavern. I left an hour and a half later, bused to St Andrew's Square and then walked to the Teviot. I didn't get much doen in between, my focus kept on drifting.

On the way there two lines of poetry presented themselves to me (on the way over North Bridge). I added an additional 3 which seemed to bring things to a satisfactory conclusion, couldn't think of anywhere to take a second verse and then realised I didn't have a pen handy. So I repeated it to myself a couple of times in the vain hope of memorising it, before deciding that I could text it to Erin. And then realised I could just text it to myself. And then discovered that mobile phone text interfaces aren't the best way of recording poetry.

Still, got to Ascenscion at midnightish, paid the pretty young lady a twenty pound note and discovered she was lacking in fivers for my change. So I danced to a song and then went and sat by her. We chatted for a bit and she seemed nice. She was wearing all white, which is always nice - I have no idea where my liking for white sundress type outfits comes from, but it's rarely indulged, especially in goth clubs...

I chatted to a few people, danced to a few songs, but couldn't really get into much (except, bizarrely White Wedding). They played Tragedy For You (which got a bunch of over 30's on to the floor) and a few other songs I like, but nothing was dragging me in. Ailsa turned up at some point in a gorgeous outfit which not only showed off cleavage but had one of those Ming-the-Merciless type bits which rises behind the head. If anyone knows what they're called, let me know...

Anyway, I got chatting to Ailsa, who I've known as long as pretty much anyone I met at Uni except Saint. Over 12 years, anyway She works for Standard Life and I'd been thinking of emailing her to drag her out to lunch, but not got around to it. It turns out she's been off for a month, having collapsed while crossing the road and had a fit. For reasons that escape me they'd done a blood test (negative for everything) but not gone any further than that. In order to gt priority access to an MRI scanner she'd just gone private, so she should hear next week what the situation is. I sincerely hope it's not the worst case scenario, but I can't think of many things that cause a fit and then a month of headaches. I felt completely at a loss for what to say, especially in the middle of a loud goth club. We spoke for about 5 minutes and then she made her excuses. I felt completely powerless, but got her phone number and assured her that I'd visit soon.

Shortly thereafter Khi turned up in a chainmail bikini top, diverted everyone's attention, danced with Sneaks and was then mauled by Brian. Score, one assumes.

I sent Sana into the ladies toilets to find Jen and Erin, told Erin I was leaving, as I wasn't in the mood to dance anymore, and prepared for departure. On the way out I got distracted by Sana, who declared that she was fine, but was clearly lying. I chatted to her for a bit, and to Nick, and then said I had to go, as otherwise Erin and Jen would come out and they'd be walking in a slow, drunken manner, whereas I really needed a swift walk to clear my head.

I walked half the way home, picking up a taxi at pretty much the junction of Regent's Road and Easter Road, which got me home for a fiver.

I'll go to bed soon.

Bound to.

And for the 50th time...

I couldn't work out why I wasn't being enthused by learning C#. I so want to make use of all of it's exciting features, its ease of use, web services, self-documentation and various other fun elements.

And yet, I can't manage more than 5 pages of the book at a time without going off and doing something else.

And then it hit me - I'm learning it from scratch. I pretty much have to, because I haven't programmed in a C type language before, nor do I know the environment, so I need to pick it all up as I go along.

But goddamn, leaning about 'if' and 'int' and mathematical precedence for the 15th time is driving me mad. I'm forcing myself through it because I'm looking forward to getting to ADO and Webservices and new ways of dealing with errors. But I wish I had the money to hire a tutor for a few days to just get through all of this stuff quicker.

Films and videos

Looks like my dad's going to be up this week coming, so no video evening then.

Monday night, on the other hand, at 6pm, I'm going to go see Bruce Almighty at the Warner. So far I have Erin and Anna with me. Anyone else want to see it, be there for ten to...