April 1st, 2003


Lord of the Peace

Nicked from a_pawson

MINAS TIRITH (Gondor News Network) - Thousands of peace activists took to the streets of Minas Tirith and other cities of Middle Earth today to protest what they termed a rush to war with Mordor.

"We need more time for diplomacy," said a key member of the Middle Earth Security Council, Saruman the White. "I am not convinced by the evidence presented by my esteemed colleague, Gandalf the Grey, or that the Dark Lord Sauron presents an imminent danger to the peoples of the West."

Many of the people protesting war in Mordor agreed with Saruman's remarks. "Sauron says he's destroyed his Rings of Mass Destruction (RMD) and that's good enough for me," said one fellow carrying a sign that said, "Elrond is a Balrog."

Another demonstrator urged, "Give the RMD inspectors more time. There's no reason to rush to any judgment just because Mount Doom is belching lava, the Dark Tower is rebuilt, and Osgiliath has been decimated."

A third protester piped up, "I haven't heard a single bit of convincing evidence connecting the Nazgul with Sauron. I think they destroyed Osgiliath on their own initiative without any support from Sauron. Besides, it's understandable they're angry with Gondor. We haven't done nearly as much for the Orcs and Goblins and Easterlings as the Nazgul and Sauron have. It's understandable they throw their support to them. It's our own fault really."

As the protesters continued their march through the city, they chanted, "No blood for Mount Doom," voicing a common sentiment that the leaders of the Western peoples are really seeking to get their hands on the powerful Mount Doom, where the One Ring of Power was allegedly forged.

Gandalf the Grey was unavailable for comment. A spokesman said he was in an undisclosed underground location, which sources codenamed: Moria.

Big Guys

Rez has end of level baddies.

End of level baddies are a pet hate of mine - they're just like all of the other things you have to fight, except that you have to work out some their "secret weakness" (usually some kind of arcane move) and then attack it repeatedly (i.e. perform the arcane move 300 times in a row, perfectly). They're repetitive, lazy and dull. The last one I liked was probably the Cyberdemon is Doom.

Rez, on the other hand, pulls the idea off with panache. The whole game is a series of whirling lights and colours for you to home in on and reduce to slightly less coherent lights and colours. The end of level baddies are basically a more coherent set of these. They mutate and change and demand a variety of different attacks to defeat. They speed up and slow down and feel more like a whole level of different defenses rather than a single monotonous enemy.

In short, they're fun to kill.

And so far, complete bastards.