Real programmers don't write specs. Users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get. </li>Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read.
Real programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the novice and the coward.
Real programmers programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in only a few 30-hours debugging sessions.
Real Software Engineers
Real Software Engineers write in languages that have not actually been implemented for any machine, and for which only the formal spec (in BNF) is available. This keeps them from having to take any machine dependencies into account. Machine dependencies make Real Software Engineers very uneasy.
Real Software Engineers don't like the idea of some inexplicable and greasy hardware several aisles away that may stop working at any moment. They have a great distrust of hardware people, and wish that systems could be virtual at ALL levels.
Real Software Engineers don't write applications programs, they implement algorithms. If someone has an application that the algorithm might help with, that's nice. Don't ask them to write the user interface, though.
Now - if I could only find the Star Trek humour I had then as well...